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It is often said that character is what we do when no one else is looking. There is truth in that, but the nature of, or lack of it, is often found in how we handle adversity. When we are stressed, do wrong, hurt, overworked and underpaid, or just plain tired – our character shows. It is easy to be boring when someone has been boring us. Naturally vengeful nature helps us to justify re-slap for slap. When we feel overworked and underpaid or unappreciated, it is easy to justify slacking in our work. After all, we can always point our finger at someone who is doing less than we are, to get paid more and / or get more recognition. It is easy to highlight the faults of others to conveniently hold our own in the dark.
There is both a struggle and a victory in trying to fight the “payback” system that seems ingrained us. Often we do not, but when we are successful, it is because we have been able to step back and try to change our opinion. Perception being reality that each of us, it does not matter how things really are – how we see then how it is. When we feel the need to “get someone back,” or we are holding a grudge, we just can not let go of; when we can step back and reassess, can we can refine our perspective.
With the knowledge that we can not change others, only our response to them, there are some ideas that I always use to reframe the situation.
• First, I take a long look at my own past. There are very few flaws in the other I can not find me. I have made similar errors most of the mistakes I am ready to punish the other for
• When I hear gossip about me – .. I remember that I have gossiped about the other
• When I feel like someone is not working as hard as I am – I remember that I’ve slacked here and there, of
• When someone else makes morally wrong (by my standards) choice -. I know I’ve made immoral choices too. Yes, even my own standards
• When someone hurts my feelings. intentionally or not – I realize that I, too, have hurt others
Usually when we can get a grip on our anger or hurt long enough to work out the situation, these thoughts can bring us right out of any desire. for revenge. When even that does not work, and you are so upset with someone, and have striven resolution in mature, calm way, there are a few more methods that might really help to reframe the situation.
Try to imagine this person who seems like a big bad wolf as a harmless child. Imagine a person who the boy or some girl who is innocent and feel hurt and pain just as you do. Try to see them as a loving father would. Optical weep like children do and drying their tears.
We know that hurt people hurt people, so when people make others wrong and are not willing to try to mend fences, it is often because it is a pain deep inside of them, and we can All the shoes. Somehow, seeing this person as a blameless child takes threat away and does a lot of anger, even if anger is justified. This technique of simply using compassion can take the sting out of anger.
Have we not often rushed to conclusions about someone’s behavior only find that they are involved in some painful struggle, or that something terrible has happened to them? And then, our hearts suddenly changed and melt with repentance? When we find out after a friend snaps us without reason that the parents have just been diagnosed with a fatal disease or their home is taken away. When we find that there is abuse, violence or poverty in a household where we did not know it existed? You can always imagine that this is the case, and the brain will respond as if it is.
We all know pain. We have in common with each other, if nothing else. We all cried and been disappointed. Those who seem to have it all not. They have times of grief and despair as you do. We are not really different, are we?
Sometimes it’s just time heals, but the trials of adversity, stress and simply get by, we are defined and at least the nature of the show. Someone is always watching. I think it has been called “taking the high road.” Many of the things we allow to upset us not be meaningful in the day or week. Most of us will not have anything left at all next year.
“When you grumble because you do not get what you want, thank God you’re not getting what you deserve.”
Can I get a amen?
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