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You can either ignore your anger and its causes, or you can choose to deal with anger head on. Sometimes the best form of defense attack. By this I mean, do the work. The next time you are experiencing anger – to see what was happening at the time and write down your observations, you were tired, hungry, carrying annoyance from previous situations? And find out what your Red Hot Buttons are. And when you realize that feeling and can appreciate the buttons are pushed, stop and deal with emotions (ie anger) as it happens – either at the time or not too long after and build a bridge and get over it! And get on with your life. Simple. Not so simple, in fact, really.
If you do not do this, as the Butterfly Effect suggests, anger will build over time to a point where you are no longer in control of it and you’ll go off like a volcano causes travel destruction that will take weeks, months or sometimes years to fix. It’s the little things that matter. You know what they are. You know what behavior you need to work on and find conflict resolution for them. Or if you’re not, as you read this book, they become clearer to you.
At this point, some of you may be thinking that a lot of the points made in the e-book so far is obvious. And my answer to that is yes they are. Anger management is simple (intellectually) to understand. But just a little more difficult to implement in real life. And I honestly believe that it comes back to this fear of conflict that I talked about earlier. If you agree that the conflict will happen every day of your life and you do not have to accept everything that happens in your life, then you are on the road to recovery. And the road to recovery is through conflict. Good conflict. Controlled conflict.
Customer Story
I saw this customer who had immense anger management problems. Originally he came in for counseling related to his wife. In the meetings that I could see him physically restraining themselves from reacting and I saw his face go red when his wife said something he did not agree. Initially, he would focus on all the things the kids or his wife were doing wrong. For example, a messy house. As the meeting went on it was revealed that he felt disrespected by the massive family (2 kids and wife) and he felt me vs. them scenario. This was a real Red Hot Button him – NOT messy house. And when he was aware of it and other family members were aware of it as well, he was able to deal with his anger as it was by being assertive and engage in conflict resolution techniques with them.
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writer by Mark Korduba